A year ago, ‘I feel disconnected.’

I feel disconnected from myself.
That’s what I wrote in my journal last June.

And just like that, we’re halfway through the year again.

There’s something about June that always throws me off.
We start the year with energy and intention but somewhere between spring and summer, it fades. The wins feel small. The roadblocks feel big. And I catch myself wondering: WHAT THE HELL AM I EVEN DOING??

Last June, I was stuck in a loop.
Sleeping at 4 a.m., waking at 2 p.m. My journal entries kept repeating the same thing:
I feel disconnected from myself.

Looking back, it makes sense.
I had no plan, no structure, no income. I was floating. 

A year later, things look different.
I left Canada. I built a platform. From the outside, it probably seems like things are taking off.

But honestly? I still feel like a mess.
I’m still freelancing. Still waiting on my first real brand deal.
I told myself: “Maybe at 10K. Maybe 20K.”
Now I’m at 40K - and still, nothing major has come through.

It’s hard to admit, but:
No, I’m not a full-time creator.
No, I’m not making money off my art.
And sometimes, this platform feels like a beautiful shell—shiny on the outside, but still hollow inside.

Earlier this month, I had a full-blown meltdown in Bali.
I was surrounded by digital nomads and creators with multiple income streams—selling digital products, doing content for brands. Meanwhile, I was sitting there spiraling, asking myself:
What am I even doing?

Thankfully, my friend Oliver snapped me out of it.
“You already have the skills,” he said. “You know how to shoot, edit, tell stories. You could totally do that in Taiwan.”

So I made a plan.

I cold-pitched over 100 restaurants, cafes and hotels.
And to my surprise… a few of them said yes. Turns out, cold outreach isn’t so scary when you’ve got a platform.

The second half of June became about building.
Pitching, filming, editing, creating samples.
I even got to stay at a fancy hotel.
And sitting there with a face mask on, looking out over the city skyline, I felt a lot better. 

At least I was moving forward.

Here’s what I’m learning this month:
Feeling disconnected from yourself is normal. It’s called being in your 20s.
Disconnection is often just your dissatisfaction with the gap between where you are and where you thought you’d be by now.
But if that vision doesn’t match your reality… maybe it’s time to stop shaming yourself and start changing something.

Be the one who happens to life!

With love,

Sammie